


JADE/DAVE: PLAY A GAME

by CidGregor



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Pesterlog, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-10
Updated: 2011-06-10
Packaged: 2017-10-20 07:14:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/210119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CidGregor/pseuds/CidGregor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade entices Dave into playing a game with her by making the rewards for winning a lot more interesting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	JADE/DAVE: PLAY A GAME

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt at homesmut, the Homestuck kink meme on LiveJournal. Enjoy.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

GG: hey mister coolkid! :D   
TG: sup harley   
GG: doing anything unbearably cool today??   
TG: babe everyday is unbearably cool in strider land  
TG: cooler than the other side of the fucking pillow  
TG: cooler than a polar bear feelin’ a slight breeze  
TG: it’s so fucking cool it does a time loop reacharound to hot again and chills that motherfucker out   
GG: soooooooo cooooooool! :D  
GG: do you think you can fit in some time in your coolkid schedule for me today?   
TG: i think i could swing it for a little while, no promises though   
GG: ooooooooh i’m so lucky! 8-)B   
TG: the fuck is that supposed to be?   
GG: me, dummy!!  
GG: it’s my glasses and teeth   
TG: oh, i get it  
TG: cute   
GG: lol i thought so!   
TG: so what’s up, did you need something?   
GG: ummmmmmmm  
GG: no not really!  
GG: actually i wanted to ask if you’d like to play a game with me!   
TG: oh fuck  
TG: come on harley seriously?  
TG: this is like the fourth time this week  
TG: what the hell is your obsession with games for whiny babies who poop in their diapers?   
GG: pleeeeeeeease, dave?  
GG: games are fun, I promise!  
GG: and easy too, there are games all over the internet ripe for playing!!   
TG: how about no   
GG: yes!   
TG: no   
GG: yes!!   
TG: no   
GG: yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!   
TG: jeez jade i know you’re totally hot for me but don’t cream yourself   
GG: oh i bet you’d like that wouldn’t you!   
TG: maybe   
GG: hmmm  
GG: this gives me an idea!   
TG: oh god this can’t lead anywhere good   
GG: how about we make it more interesting!  
GG: you play a game with me and i’ll make it a strip game, deal?   
TG: what the christ  
TG: harley i can’t fucking see you how would that be at all interesting   
GG: i can’t see you either, you know!  
GG: but i still think it sounds exciting!   
TG: how   
GG: trust me  
GG: i’ll even give you the first one for free!   
TG: the first what   
GG: dave...  
GG: i’m taking my shirt off   
TG: bs   
GG: it’s a button-up  
GG: there goes the top button  
GG: two more buttons  
GG: my bra’s uncovered   
TG: oh my god what am i even reading here   
GG: last button  
GG: the shirt’s totally open  
GG: now it’s sloooooooowly slipping off my shoulders  
GG: and now it’s gone! no more shirt, just a cute bare tummy and a cute blue bra   
TG: oh fuck  
TG: goddamnit harley   
GG: so whaddya say dave...  
GG: you wanna play? :D   
TG: fine  
TG: what’s the game   
GG: here click this to join the game with me!   
TG: oh motherfuck  
TG: Memory?  
TG: You want to play fucking strip-Memory?   
GG: sure, it’ll be easy!  
GG: every time one of us gets a match the other one has to take something off  
GG: first to get the other person naked wins   
TG: you’re fucking evil, this is like your favorite game you’re going to annihilate me   
GG: lol maybe, maybe not!  
GG: i already gave you a head-start though, and i’ll even let you go first too! ;-)B   
TG: only because you’re that damn sure you’ll win   
GG: oh just flip, fuckass!   
TG: fine  
TG: there happy a lemon and a tangle buddy no match   
GG: well duh, what are the odds of getting a match the first turn, like a million to one?   
TG: whatever go ahead and crush me now   
GG: the second turn isn’t really any better unless you get really lucky  
GG: there see, an apple and a smuppet, no match for me either   
TG: what the fuck are fucking smuppets doing in this game   
GG: it’s customizable! :D  
GG: you can put in all your own pictures   
TG: that is so much fucking worse, you actually consciously put those things in?  
TG: jesus fuck harley it’s like you’re actively trying to kill my boner   
GG: =O  
GG: oh my goodness dave are you really that excited?   
TG: moving on, my turn  
TG: oh fuck awesome a lemon   
GG: gasp!   
TG: and two lemons, bitchin’   
GG: nice going dave!   
TG: incoming erotic shoe removal   
GG: hehehehe, well i was gonna take my skirt off but if you insist!   
TG: no goddamnit that’s not fair   
GG: oh don’t whine, you’ll get there eventually  
GG: i don’t have a lot to take off anyway ;-P  
GG: we’ll even count shoes as one thing  
GG: and i’m not even wearing socks!  
GG: just sandals   
TG: wait really   
GG: yep!  
GG: click click go the buckles and there they go, off my little footsies!  
GG: hehe, this is so exciting it’s making my toes curl!   
TG: okay that is enough foot fetish talk go move   
GG: alright let’s see...  
GG: eeeeeeeek tanglebuddy!   
TG: fuck   
GG: two tanglebuddies!  
GG: i have reunited the soulmates! :D   
TG: whoop de fucking doo  
TG: okay well it’s your lucky day because i’m not a tool who wears shoes around the house  
TG: so i guess i’ll take my socks off first   
GG: and?   
TG: and what   
GG: you gotta be more detailed like i was!   
TG: okay they’re nasty sweaty three day old socks that peel off like a layer of skin  
TG: you can see literal stink lines rising from my mold-encrusted toenails  
TG: the radiation levels in the room skyrocket as my bare feet release their trapped odors  
GG: eeeeeeeewwwwwwww!  
GG: come on dave don’t be gross!  
GG: this is supposed to be fun and sexy  
TG: okay okay fine  
TG: i guess i have pretty normal totally non sweaty and non radioactive feet?  
TG: and no mold just perfectly normal feet and stuff  
GG: better! 8-)B  
GG: okay your turn  
TG: i got an orange and  
TG: oh real cute my broken record logo  
TG: i should sue you for copyright infringement  
GG: hehe!  
GG: hmm this one is a lime, so let’s pick this one...  
GG: ack!  
TG: hahaha thanks for finding the other record for me my turn  
TG: oh look at that two records  
GG: jerkass! =P  
GG: fiiiiiiiine i’m taking my skirt off  
TG: awesome  
GG: just gotta loosen this button...  
GG: whee there it goes!  
GG: fell right down my legs as soon as i stood up  
GG: brrrrrrrr, bare legs are chilly!  
TG: wait how bare are we talking  
GG: =P  
GG: still got all my underwear on silly  
GG: buuuuuuuut...  
GG: that all that’s left! ;-)B  
GG: ps i am being goofy and wearing non-matching panties, they are green instead  
TG: what the hell blue bra and green panties  
GG: yep! I told you it was goofy!  
TG: meh big deal you’d still be decent on a beach  
GG: would not! i’m in underwear!  
TG: right that’s basically a bikini  
TG: in fact i bet most bikinis are even skimpier  
GG: lol good point  
GG: okay mister coolkid time for you to lose something  
GG: bam, there’s the other lime!  
GG: two limes dave, let’s make something happen! :D  
TG: fine  
TG: check out this shirt stripping action going on over here  
GG: ooooooooh yay!  
TG: just twirling it over my head now it’s like a fucking Chippendales up in here  
GG: hehehehehehehehe!  
GG: liar =P  
TG: okay the twirling is an exaggeration but it is off i promise  
TG: and there is some sort of bare hulking male chest underneath  
TG: because dudes are awesome and don’t need two fucking pieces of underwear  
GG: lol oh really dave?  
GG: you think dudes are awesome? :3  
TG: oh fuck shut up  
GG: hehehehehehehehe!  
TG: my turn oh god fucking damnit there’s the other smuppet  
GG: oh noooooooo  
GG: you forgot where the first one is by now right?  
TG: no way that thing was fucking burned into my brain  
TG: there two smuppets  
GG: aaaaaaaa you suck!  
GG: > 8 [B  
GG: wait that looks stupid  
TG: quit stalling i got a match  
GG: lol well well, now who’s all interested in playing the game!  
TG: no comment  
GG: alright mister coolguy  
GG: i’m reaching behind my back...  
GG: my fingers are unhooking the clasp of the bra...  
GG: and now it’s open and just barely hanging onto my shoulders  
TG: then get your fucking shoulders out of the way  
GG: don’t rush me!  
TG: okay fine sorry  
GG: okay  
GG: it’s off  
TG: really  
GG: yep  
GG: hehe...  
GG: i’m totally topless  
TG: goddamn  
GG: told you this would be exciting! 8-)B  
TG: can uh  
GG: what?  
TG: can i ask what you look like  
GG: hmmm  
GG: well  
GG: dave  
GG: this may shock you, but  
GG: i have boobs  
TG: no fucking way i never would have guessed that  
TG: never in a million fucking years would that have crossed my thoughts  
TG: my mind has been scattered to the cosmos for how thoroughly it is blown  
GG: lol you’re so ridiculous  
GG: it’s just boobs  
GG: kinda pointy boobs  
GG: it’s especially obvious when my nipples are this perked up  
TG: holy fuck  
TG: you’re walking a dangerous line between incredibly hot and incredibly tmi  
GG: okay dave take your pants off!  
TG: what  
TG: oh fuck did you move while  
TG: fuck  
TG: how did you even find two harlequins at once  
GG: :D  
GG: i guess i’m just lucky like that!  
TG: luck doesn’t actually matter but okay fine  
TG: get ready for the pants-removing entertainment spectacle of the year  
GG: woo take it off!  
TG: motherfucking swish  
TG: pants be gone  
GG: lol i bet you are wearing sweet bro and hella jeff boxers!  
TG: what the fuck gave you idea that’s fucking stupid  
GG: exactly!  
GG: you wear them ‘ironically’  
GG: :DDD  
TG: you go ahead and think that  
TG: oh shit my turn  
TG: an apple oh my hell  
GG: eeep!  
TG: fuck where was the other one  
GG: hmm i don’t know!  
TG: bs  
TG: okay come on fuck where were you, you fucking goddamn fruit  
TG: fuck fuck fuck goddamnit  
GG: yessssssss!  
TG: why do you have more tanglebuddies what the fuck  
GG: its cthulu-buddy!  
TG: goddamn fucking eldritch horrors  
GG: wheeeeeeee i got the apples!  
GG: you know what that means! :D  
TG: do i have to  
GG: yes!  
TG: you suck  
GG: I’m waaaaaaaaiting!!  
TG: fine they’re off  
GG: =O  
TG: you win game over  
GG: heeeeeeeey come on you can’t gloss over it!  
TG: what the fuck, no, i’m not gonna sit here and describe my pasty white ass  
TG: or my uncomfortable boner  
TG: it’s crude and gross  
GG: maybe i think its sexy  
GG: maybe this uncomfortable boner of yours sounds quite interesting!  
TG: oh my god you’re such a pervert  
TG: this was your plan all along wasn’t it?  
TG: to get me naked and talk about my fucking cock  
GG: your uncomfortably hard cock  
TG: ......  
TG: okay what the fuck was that  
GG: your turn dave!  
TG: what  
GG: i’m still wearing panties remember  
GG: c’mon dave  
GG: get me naked ;-)B  
TG: okay this just took a really weird as fuck turn  
TG: are you being for real  
GG: pick your cards!  
TG: fuck  
TG: this is  
TG: fuck  
TG: fine okay  
TG: oh shit it’s that fucking slime ghost thing  
TG: perfect where the fuck am I going to find something completely new again  
TG: the odds are like, fucking  
TG: some huge ass giant astronomical  
TG: oh hey there it is  
GG: hooray!  
GG: :DDD  
GG: ready dave?  
TG: uh  
TG: for what  
GG: my hand is running over the edge of my panties  
TG: oh fuck  
GG: my fingers are pushing the waistband down  
GG: just have to lift my hips a bit and slip them past my butt  
GG: and there they go  
TG: jesus jade  
GG: slipping right down my legs  
GG: bye bye panties  
GG: well dave there you go  
GG: i’m totally naked  
GG: now what do you want to play? =P  
TG: what, i had to talk about my boner and you get to just stop after the panties are off?  
GG: hmm, good point  
GG: well...  
GG: it’s just a little bit fuzzy  
GG: up above  
GG: and when I put a finger down there it’s wet to the touch  
TG: really  
TG: wet huh  
GG: mmhmm  
GG: it feels pretty good to touch dave  
TG: well  
TG: fuck  
TG: maybe  
TG: you should keep touching it then  
GG: that’s a good idea dave i think i will do just that  
GG: and maybe that uncomfortable boner of yours wouldn’t be so uncomfortable  
GG: if you started touching it too?  
TG: fuck I was already touching it the second you said your pussy was wet  
GG: =O  
GG: want me to keep describing it?  
TG: fucking yes  
GG: it’s getting a lot wetter now  
GG: I’m pushing two fingers inside  
TG: holy shit  
GG: oh god that felt good  
GG: dave  
GG: you talk too  
GG: are you still hard?  
TG: as a fucking rock  
TG: you’re making me type one-fucking-handed  
GG: me too :D  
GG: dave  
GG: my eyes are closed  
GG: help me make this your fingers inside me  
TG: oh fuck  
TG: uh  
TG: okay  
TG: my fingers are pushing into you  
GG: into what dave  
TG: into your slippery wet pussy that’s what pay some fucking attention harley  
GG: ooooooooh i can feel them  
TG: they’re going deeper now  
TG: as far as they can go  
GG: my hand is wrapping nice and snug around your shaft in response  
GG: holding tight and moving up and down  
TG: fuck, jade  
GG: don’t stop keep going  
TG: my fingers do a little curl inside you and rub your walls  
TG: i’m thrusting them in and out now  
TG: and i’m so goddamn fucking good at it  
GG: oh god  
GG: dave i’m so wet  
GG: i start rubbing you faster but i’m afrad i’m not doig nearly as goo a jbb  
TG: and i tell you to stop fucking worrying you’re doing really god  
TG: you’re gonns mak me blow any secnd  
TG: fuck i can’t typ anymr  
GG: me to fuk asasdfhjkfgdfg  
TG: ffffffffffffffff  
TG: fuck  
TG: shit where are my tissues  
TG: holy hell that was hot and weird as fuck  
TG: jade  
TG: jade are you there  
GG: yes  
GG: oh god i came everywhere  
GG: that was so good  
TG: yeah no shit  
TG: but jesus, jade, where the fuck did all that come from?  
GG: i dunno i just suddenly really wanted to  
GG: it was fun though, right? i told you games are fun!  
TG: i guess so yeah  
GG: maybe next time we won’t have to do it through a computer  
TG: next time  
TG: what the fuck do you mean next time  
GG: oops, gotta go clean up  
TG: goddamnit harley  
GG: later, dave!

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TG: hey no don’t do that fucking sign off before i can respond bullshit  
TG: oh goddamnit you suck

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

GG: maybe next time. ;-)B

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TG: ......  
TG: goddamn

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] logged off --


End file.
